He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
