Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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