GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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