hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
