Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
