Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
