Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
