just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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