Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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