Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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