nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
