I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
