I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
