i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
