He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your face is a jimmy john
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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