it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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