just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
