The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
