If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
