Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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