why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
