Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
