If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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