I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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