you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
