laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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