Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
