I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
