I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
