So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
