They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
