More tranny stories later!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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