Im at strip club and am horny
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
