I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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