I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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