why didn't you poke me back
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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