Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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