I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize