Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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