update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
