hotel room ftw
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
