About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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