omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
