mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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