That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
