Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
