I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
