Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
