What a fucking waste of an outfit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
