Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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