just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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