the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
