Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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