Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
