not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
