plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
