god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
even my farts smell like vagina
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
