dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
