you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
