I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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