I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
