She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bring me that man meat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
