I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
