Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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