that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize