I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
