I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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