Christians are straight up FREAKS
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
