I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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