My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
