I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
