Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
