Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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