And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What a dumb baby whore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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